dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
