Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
