And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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