We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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