OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
