bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.