i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening