got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.