Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.