She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
