C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today