dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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