im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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