Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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