It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
