Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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