Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
