i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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