this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
