His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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