I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
