maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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