You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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