dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
