I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
