I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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