don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
