You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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