My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
