you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
