used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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