Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
