i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
