ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
