don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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