You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im six kinds of drunk right now
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
