Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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