Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
