I want to have your abortion
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
