whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
