when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
