I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
