ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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