Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
