I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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