Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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