Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
