you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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