I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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