It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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