I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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