i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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