The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
