planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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