I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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