and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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