What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
ok first of all what the fuck
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
