just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
