Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
