Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
