i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
