I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
