I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
