thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
