They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
