When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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