We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
