So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
