i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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