last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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