I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
