In the future we'll all be gay
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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