i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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