Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
