I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
