I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
