If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
