Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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