I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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