I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
