I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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